Two Poems

I MOVE THE CLOCKS AHEAD EVERY WEEKEND    for Katy Henriksen

Fake every punt / Taint misbehaving

I just duct-taped my asshole shut

you look so hot just screwing around

with your phone all the time

I am rubbing Wallace Stevens’ poems all over my body

I imagine you in footie pajamas putting

chapbooks together

I’ll be under my desk waiting for the sex to begin

It’s OK to do that thumb and pinky bottle

thing whenever I walk by

I’m not sure there is a Heaven

but there’s definitely a Hell

I’m skipping Movember and going right

to Pubecember

I just want to drink weird regional sodas

and fall in love with people on the internet.

Don’t judge me. Unless it’s like sexy judgmental



THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN

                        “It’s a Trap!”—Admiral Akbar


The Best Way to Currently Help

in New York

1. Get the Fuck Out of My Way

2. Shut the Fuck Up

“I shoulda known it was a one-horse town”

I need a first responder in my underpants

I’m just waiting for the volcano to erupt

I’m gonna displace some emotions your way

If this was a facebook post, would you “like” it?

I’d like to add you to my professional network

Come all Ye Horny

Leave an open beer on my grave

Hannah Weiner saw words, I just see tacos

Failed to come to assistance to pigeon in distress

Aquarius, you may have to learn how to choke people

out with your head phone cords today

I had such hopes for google plus

A source of unavoidable intensity

“Like you’ve never seen a dick before”

“And make Panther fans forget all about you?

And become your mom’s favorite player?”

Someone check scripture

Just another double shift at the douche factory

I want a channel that’s just

riots at Walmarts in HD

“Somebody gotta be the victim tonight”

Aquarius, it’s time to call a lawyer