Joke’s On You
Steals the pie cooling in your window,
Toilet papers your house
and the trees in your front yard,
Eggs your car, short sheets your bed,
Tapes kick me to your back,
then snaps your bra strap,
Puts your hands in warm water
and makes you pee in your sleep,
Plastic wraps your toilet seat,
ties your shoelaces together,
Loosens the lid of your salt n’ pepper shaker,
Absconds with your clothes
when you skinny dip in the lake—
Love rings your doorbell and runs away.Recipe
Into a large bowl empty the contents
Of your broken heart, lightly stir in
The sheet from the bed where you last
Made love (shake well beforehand
To let the dust and dead skin rise
To the surface). Gently set aside to use
Later. . .fill your bathtub with tea leaves
And old tears, soak your broken body
Until you feel completely clean.
Spray your house with your favorite scent,
Whatever that may be
Jean Paul Gaultier or Guilty pour Femme.
Pad around each room making pouty faces
Into mirrors, imagining all the while
That you are the most beautiful woman
In the world. Continue to groom
As you wait for the bell to ring.
Open the door on the man of your dreams.
Make love until well done,
Roughly forty-five minutes on each side.